


I´m The Queen Bee And I´ll Make You Dance For Me

by FarAwayInWonderland



Series: Konkurrenz belebt das Geschäft [3]
Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Depression, M/M, POV Donna, Stillbirth, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-21
Updated: 2015-04-21
Packaged: 2018-03-25 04:10:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3796198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FarAwayInWonderland/pseuds/FarAwayInWonderland
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Donna was all-knowing. </p><p>This was an undisputable fact, interwoven into the very fabric of existence like the laws of physics that were governing the universe. </p><p>But there were some instances in her life where she had been as unprepared as any other human being.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I´m The Queen Bee And I´ll Make You Dance For Me

**Author's Note:**

> Say hello to me on [tumblr.](http://specter-und-ross.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Now betaed by the wonderous [benedictcumberbatch.](http://benedictcumberbatch.tumbr.com/)
> 
> I tried to research as much as possible. Because it has been some time since I last saw Suits, please excuse any discrepancy between my story and the series.
> 
> WARNING: Mentions of suicide, stillbirth and depression.
> 
> I have no experience with aforementioned issues. If anything is depicted wrong or offensive in any way, please tell me.

Donna was all-knowing.

This was an undisputable fact, interwoven into the very fabric of existence like the laws of physics that govern the universe. No sane human being – and even insane ones for that matter – would dare to question this. Donna knew what you had forgotten before you were even able to remember that you had forgotten something. She knew with whom you betrayed your wife with – and by the way, said wife is eying your chauffeur quite speculatively – and knew that today was the day you would want your coffee with one sugar cube more than usual. When she looked at you, you would begin to sweat, for you were absolutely clueless about what new sordid secret she had unearthed about you this time.

Donna was a queen bee and she enjoyed making her hive dance for her.

There were only one-and-a-half human beings who would dare to defy her. One was Jessica Pearson. That woman was a shark amongst goldfish. Donna would bet her whole wardrobe that behind those cold and calculating eyes were more secrets than she had ever discovered since she started her job as executive assistant. Jessica Pearson would smile at you kindly – promise you eternal friendship – only to stab you in the back when it suited her purposes. And you would thank her for being merciful.

No, Jessica definitely wasn’t someone Donna wanted to cross.

The other part of the one-and-a-half was Harvey Specter. Most of the time one of her looks was enough to make him cave in to her every demand. Oh, he would try to resist and went to ridiculous lengths in order to not acquiesce to her, but in the end she would always end up with what she wanted anyway. Harvey was only able to stand up to her when it was about issues that he took very seriously.

Nevertheless, over the years Donna´s life had taken some unexpected turns, some joyous and some so painful that it hurt remembering them even now.

 

**#1**

Donna´s career as Queen of Gossip already started in High School.

It was one of those secrets everybody knew. Like the fact that Quinn Coster had a new boyfriend every week, but when she asked if someone thought her to be a slut, everybody was fast to assure her that she wasn’t. After all nobody wanted the cheerleader captain that had the biggest social clout in the school angry with them. Or like the fact that everybody knew who was dealing with what, but nobody mentioned it.

Donna was one of those facts. Everybody was aware that somehow she was the one who got all the juicy gossip first. Who dumped who, the menu of the cafeteria for next week even though it wasn’t even published or your own locker combination. But nobody would mention it, especially to her face.

“Hi, sweetie,” a voice behind her greeted her and Donna had to resist from rolling her eyes at that terrible start for a conversation. Setting up an amicable expression she turned around only to find Finn O´Donnell standing in front of her. She had to supress a squeal. Nobody knew it, but Donna had a huge crush on the boy. He was not only a member of the football team but also of the maths club. Brain and brawn. Simply irresistible.

“What can I do for you on this beautiful day?” Donna returned and if she spoke a little bit faster and her voice was a little bit higher than usual – well, nobody would dare to mention it.

“I wonder if you would grant me the pleasure of being my date to the prom?” Finn asked and Donna had to remind herself to not forget to breathe. This was it! Her crush was asking _her_ to be his date.

“I would, indeed,” Donna answered evenly, even though she wanted to scream her joy out loud. But she had an image to preserve.

“Cool,” Finn said and grinned at her. “See you later.” Then he walked away and Donna had to prop herself against her locker as she sighed in content. She would leave High School on such a high note that future generations would remember her.

“What put this blissful expression on your face?” Lindsey – her best friend – ripped her out of her daydream. “Has someone drugged you in order to make you spill all your secrets?”

“Finn O´Donnell just asked me to be his prom date,” Donna answered. For a few seconds Lindsey just looked at her. Then her eyes widened and she began to scream.

“ _Ohmygodohmygodohmygod…_ ” It seemed that Lindsey was even more excited by her best friend´s date than Donna herself. It took several minutes – and some strange looks they were getting – until Lindsey calmed down.

“We have to make a plan,” she said. “Your dress, your shoes, your hair, your accessories, your make-up and-and we have to intensively collect every bit of knowledge about Finn to make sure that you can hold a decent conversation. Not this awkward drivel that people who don´t really know each other sprout when they don’t know what to talk about.” Her eyes widened even more. “Does he already have an outfit? You don’t want to clash with the colour he is wearing. That practically screams ‘Look at how we didn’t even talk to each other before the prom’…” Donna silenced Lindsey by clamping her hand over her mouth.

“Lindesy, who am I?” Donna asked calmly.

“You´re Donna,” Lindsey answered confused. Then a look of understanding flashed over her face.

“You´re Donna,” she repeated resolutely.

“Indeed, I am,” Donna smirked. “And now let´s make up this plan of yours.”

**#**

Donna was standing on the parking lot of a nearby park where Finn had said he would pick her up. Today was her big day. She wore her best make-up, had her hair up in the most beautiful haircut hairstyle she had ever worn and donned a dress she was sure would make every other girl at the prom seeth with envy. Nothing could go wrong, after all she had carefully planned out every detail of the evening.

When Donna saw Finn´s car coming she straightened up and put a smile on her face. Which – considering the circumstances – wasn’t all that difficult.  

The car came to a halt beside her and Donna was just about to open the door when the car windows pulled down. Donna´s smile fell when she saw Quinn Coster sitting in the front seat. Confusion took its place.

“Hi Donna,” Quinn purred with a false smile plastered on her face. “Fancy seeing you here.”

“Finn, what is she doing here?” Donna asked confused. Finn just grinned at her derisively.

“Did you really think that I would go to the prom with you?” he sneered.

“Yeah,” Quinn inserted. “Did you really think that? Like you think that you´re better than us?” She snorted which made her look even more unattractive. “Donna, the Gossip Queen. Donna, the All-Knowing…Donna, the Arrogant! That´s what you are! And guess what? This is revenge, bitch!”

“Did you really think,” Finn took over again, “that, after all those rumours you probably put into the world, you wouldn’t get any payback?” He laughed – cold and heartless – and Quinn followed suit.

“Have fun without a date!” Quinn taunted as she pulled up the window and Finn accelerated the car and drove away.

For a few moments Donna just stood there – numb and unseeing – before she turned around and walked to a nearby park bench. Her face didn’t betray a single emotion. Only when she had lowered herself on the bench a single tear flowed down her cheek. Than another. And another. Quietly Donna cried.

The feeling of joyful anticipation that had prevailed over the whole day had been replaced by a searing pain that sprung forth from her heart. How could Finn do something like that to her? And with Quinn? She had never in all the years started rumours about the others. She knew them, but she had never started one. And now Finn had ripped out her heart and shattered it in front of her.

Donna closed her eyes in order to stop the teardrops from falling. It hurt so much. She had never felt so miserable in her life before. Like someone had taken everything good from her only to replace it with pain and hurt. This should have been her grand finale before she went to College. And now her dream of a perfect prom with her perfect date had vanished into nothingness. Right at this moment Finn and Quinn were probably dancing and laughing about her.

“A lady like you shouldn’t cry.” The voice coming from beside her startled her so much that she nearly jumped up from the bench. She looked up and as the veil of tears in front of her eyes slowly cleared she could see a man standing beside the bench. His hair was long and unkempt – like his beard – and his clothes had holes and brown stains all over them. From the look of him Donna would peck him as one of the few homeless that lived in the city.

“Here,” the man said. “Take this to dry your tears.” He offered her a handkerchief, which she gracefully took. She wiped away her tears – careful not to smudge her make-up – and handed it back to the man.

“Thank you,” she said weakly, “that was the first nice thing someone did for me today.” She sniffed.

“A beautiful girl like you shouldn’t cry,” the man simply answered.

“He dumped me for another girl,” Donna started to tell. “An hour before the prom started. Just to get back at me for something I haven’t done.” She didn’t know why she told the man about Finn. Why would he care? But if she didn’t tell someone – kept it all locked up within herself – she would explode from all the emotions. And she had a feeling that the man next to her wouldn’t judge her. “I was so excited. I had a crush on him for almost a year and then he asked me. I was the happiest girl in the world. I had this feeling – you know – as if the whole world just stood still for a moment for me. Like I was something special. I didn’t imagine that it could be taken away this swiftly.” The man was silent for a few seconds.

“Why do you allow it?” he finally asked. Donna looked at him confused.

“What?” she inquired.

“You´re only hurting, because you allow him to hurt you,” the man explained. “This hollow feeling? It´s nothing you do to yourself, but something he does to you. You want to make it stop? Then you have to cast him out. This whole ‘time heals everything’-bullshit? It´s wrong. It’s not time that heals your wounds; you do.” Donna pondered his words. The man was right. Who was Finn O´Donnell that he dared to hurt her like that? He and Quinn wanted to make a fool of her? They wanted to ruin her prom out of pettiness? She wouldn’t let them. She would show everyone that she would not be broken by the likes of Finn O´Donnell and Quinn Coster. She was strong even without a man by her side.

“Thank you,” Donna said to the man with deepest gratitude. He smiled at her.

“A lady like you shouldn’t cry,” he simply said. Then he stood up and walked away.

**#**

Donna entered the hall with her head held high. With dignity. With grace. Without a date. But nobody dared to mention it. It was one of the best nights she ever had.

**#**

“Donna!” Louis fingers snipping in front of her ripped her out of her reverie.

“What!?” she snapped at the rat-like man, who gulped and took a step back.

“I have some documents for Harvey,” Louis said, holding up said documents. Donna held out her hand in order to take the folder.

“It would be better if I could just put them on his desk,” Louis said and Donna narrowed his eyes at him. It was one of those times again.  

“Louis,” she said in deceitfully sweet tone. “What do you see when you look in Harvey´s office?”

“It´s Harvey´s office,” Louis answered, confused. “The basketballs, he only has for bragging, the records he never listens to, his uncomfortable couch.”

“And what _isn´t_ in Harvey´s office?” Donna continued. Louis was silent and looked in Harvey´s office with a look of deep concentration.

“Harvey?” he said, more question than answer.

“Exactly,” Donna said. “And while this is so, you won´t set foot in his office. So: Give. Me. This. _Folder._ ” Louis looked as if he wanted to argue, but then he seemed to reconsider and simply handed the folder over to her. Donna smiled. No matter how brave Louis thought he was, he would never dare to defy her. It was great to be awesome.

 

**#2**

There were some things that even Harvey didn’t know. That Donna didn’t want Harvey to ever know. Things in her past that she had buried so deep, so that no one would drag it out in the open ever again. Those things that happened before they ever met.

His name had been Nathanael. They had met in the library. Donna had been looking for a special book recommended to her by one of her friends. But for the sake of everything holy to her, she couldn’t find that stupid book.

“Can I help you?” She turned around and she liked what she saw. Black hair, deep-blue eyes that seemed to twinkle in amusement and a lean, well-portioned body.

“Yes, sir, you can,” Donna said coyly. “A friend of mine recommended a certain book for me, but I find myself unable to locate it in this mace of book shelves. It´s called ‘PS, I Love You’.”

“It seems today is your lucky day,” the man said. “I know exactly where to find this book of yours.”

“Donna,” she introduced herself.

“Nathanael,” he replied and shock her hand.

**#**

They met again at the library. And again. Somewhere along the way their meetings migrated to nearby coffee shops, then to restaurants and cinemas and later on to their flats. It was passion and longing, love and lust and neither Donna nor Nathanael could get enough of it. Days turned into weeks; weeks into months and months into years. And the end of those years found Donna and Nathanael sitting on their bed, starring at the little thing in Donna´s hand.

“And?” Nathanael asked anxiously.

“Positive,” Donna answered and smiled at him. “Positive.”

**#**

Donna woke up to a pain so great that she thought it would break her in two. She screamed.

“Donna,” from somewhere she could hear Nathanael´s panicked voice. “Donna, please, tell me what´s wrong?” Another wave of pain rolled over her and another scream tore itself from her lips.

“It´s too early,” she whispered.

**#**

Donna didn’t remember much of her hospital stay. There was recollection of pain, fading in an out of consciousness and of people in white staring down at her while they talked. She couldn’t understand them. Sometimes she imagined Nathanael standing beside her bed and talking to her, but the next time she opened her eyes he wouldn’t be there anymore.

**#**

They informed her that her baby – her beautiful little boy – had come into the world already dead.

Donna wanted to scream and rage, but no sound would get past her lips. She just laid in the hospital bed – white all around her – and stared at nothing. Still like a corpse. Still like her child. Minutes, hours, days – they all passed by in a blur to her. Nathanael came by but she didn’t react. What to say to the father of the son you would never see grow up?

Donna was trapped within herself. Trapped with the grief, the pain, the anger, the hate and the guilt she couldn’t express. Trapped within the body that killed her precious baby. She wanted to destroy it like it had destroyed her son.

The next time they brought her food, she slowly took the knife. It was dull, but it would do. One cut after another. At first the knife wouldn’t pierce her skin. Donna tried harder until the first drops of blood fell down. It looked eerily beautiful. The deep red on the white. Sin slowly tainting purity. She leaned back, her head resting on her pillow. She would see her beautiful baby-boy again and would finally have the chance to be the mother that had been denied to her in this world. Slowly Donna drifted away.

**#**

The next time she opened her eyes she looked at the tear-stained face of Nathanael.

“You´re awake,” he sobbed. “You´re awake.” New tears began to flow down.

“N-n-nathanael,” Donna whispered weakly.

“I thought I had lost you,” he said between the tears. “You just laid there a-a-and everything was b-b-blood and you didn’t breath – oh my God, Donna you were so pale. You l-l-looked like a corpse. I thought I had lost you.” A series of sobs shock through Nathanael. “Please, Donna, please. I don’t think I can bear it if I lose you as well.”

And with this confession every dam within Donna broke. She cried and cried until there were no tears left anymore and then she continued crying. She buried herself within Nathanael´s strong embrace and wished the world away.

“Brandon would have been so fierce,” she murmured quietly. “You would have read to him before he went to bed. And I would have taught him how to be strong and fierce.”

“You would have been the perfect mother,” Nathanael said quietly.

“And you the perfect father,” Donna said. They clung to each other like the other was the only lifeline that kept themselves alive.

**#**

Their relationship ended only a few months after that. Donna couldn’t look at Nathanael – seeing that dead and broken look in his eyes – and know that the same eyes stared back at him. She knew that he could hear her crying at night and he knew that she heard him shattering the furniture in the nursery that had never been lived in by a child. They were ghosts that lived together because there was no one else they could cling to. Their flat was penetrated by a silence that smothered any happiness before it could even come into existence. The sun that shone through the window never seemed to reach the dark corners and the colourful walls mocked them with the memories of past happiness at every turn.

One day Donna came back and Nathanael wasn’t there anymore. The only thing that was left of him was the edition of ‘PS, I Love You’ that he had given her on their first anniversary.

**#**

Every year – on the same day – Donna would take one day off from work and drive to the little cemetery outside of Manhattan. Harvey never asked and Donna never offered. She was thankful for it.

She would lay down blue forget-me-not in front of the little gravestone and tell Brandon what he would have done this year had he lived.

Later she would come back to her flat and cry until the next morning when she´d put up her perfect mask and go back to Pearson Specter, pretending that there wasn’t a grave with just one name on it.

 

**#3**

Men were chauvinistic pigs. That was the conclusion Donna came to after working for the DA office for nearly six months. She was the one that organized their appointments, she made sure that the files were forwarded to the right offices and she was the one who had to send them back within the deadline or risk that they would lose the case.

She and the other executive assistants practically ran the whole office, but did one of those douche lawyers ever think of showing at least a tiny bit of gratitude for their hard work? Of course not. It was simply assumed that they would do their work without complaint. And if they dared to do so, they were told that they should be grateful for being allowed so much freedom. After all they were only secretaries. They only said that once to her.

The chaos that she made sure ensued (?) after that made everyone aware of how much she was ‘only a secretary’. Everybody knew that she had been the one to cause it, but there was no proof, so they couldn’t just fire her. After that they treated her with the respect she was due and she only had to break in the new baby-lawyers that became part of the DA office very few months.

When Donna saw the newbie, she immediately knew what sort of man he was. Tailored suit, slicked hair, and an aura of confidence and arrogance that practically screamed pretentious little Harvard boy. She sighed.

“A new one?” Cora from the desk opposite of her asked.

“Seems so,” Donna answered.

“What do you think this one will do before you have to break him in?” Cora asked and laughed. She and the others were profiting from Donna´s reign of terror as well, as the courtesy the lawyers treated Donna with extended to them, too.

“Maybe he’ll try to flirt with you, like Richard,” Nancy threw in from beside Donna. “That man had no shame.”

“He’s coming,” Cora whispered furiously and she and Nancy turned to their screens, pretending to work.

“Are you Donna?” Harvard-boy asked and smiled at her. Donna´s stony expression didn’t thaw even for a little bit.

“And if I am?” she responded, raising one eyebrow.

“Then I want to come to an accord with you,” Harvard-boy said.

“An accord?” Donna asked intrigued.

“Yes,” Harvard-boy said. “Unlike some of my fellow lawyers I don’t intend to antagonize the person who handles everything I need to win my cases. Experience taught me that secretaries –“

“Executive assistants,” Donna interrupted him.

“– executive assistants,” Harvard-boy continued as if she hadn’t interrupted. “can make my life here very difficult. My offer: I do what I can to make it easy for you – no passing on work I should do myself, no unnecessary tasks that only take time away from you and treating you with the respect you deserve – and in return you make it easy for me.” His smile grew wider as he finished.

“I´m glad to finally meet someone who hasn’t lost his common sense in whatever law school he went to,” Donna answered. “Pleasure doing business with you, –“

“Harvey Specter,” he introduced himself. “And I have a feeling that we will be the greatest of friends.”     

 

**#4**

“It´s about Mike,” Harvey started.

“I know” Donna simply said. Harvey looked at her incredulously.

“Mike told Rachel who told me,” Donna answered his unasked question. “About that little fight you had last week?”

“Ah, so you don’t know yet,” Harvey smirked. “I asked Mike to move in with me.” And with that he went into his office, Donna following shortly after.

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“It has been months already,” Harvey said and Donna could see how unpleasant it was for him to talk so openly about his relationship with Mike. “It´s the longest any of my relationships has ever lasted. And with Mike – it´s like he is fitting right into my life. He simply understands me in a way that no one else has before. I want to take that to the next level.”

Well, Donna definitely hadn’t seen that coming. She had known that Harvey´s relationship with Mike was well progressing, but that Harvey – Harvey! – would be the one to initiate the next step she had never expected. But on the other hand, now that it was out in the open it was kind of obvious.

Donna had witnessed many of Harvey´s ‘relationships’. She couldn’t remember a single one to which he had applied himself like he did with the one he had with Mike. He fretted about the where he should take Mike to, about what gifts he should buy him and about what he should wear.

With all the other relationships Harvey had been confident and always used the same scheme: high-class restaurants and expensive gifts. But what he had with Mike was different. It was more personal, more real.

“I´m so happy for you, Harvey,” Donna said and smiled at the man. “I never thought that the day would come where I would say this about someone you date, but: Don’t let him go!”

“I don’t plan to,” Harvey replied as his lips curled themselves into a smile.

 

**#the one time donna saw it coming but was surprised nevertheless**

For the whole day Harvey had been skittish. Oh, someone who didn’t know him wouldn’t probably notice, but not only had she been his secretary and confidante for years, but she was also Donna, so she noticed right away. The way Harvey would grip his tie to make sure it was properly tied, how often he would run his hand through his slicked hair or how he would stare at his records when he thought that she wasn’t looking. When Harvey was in such a mood Mike more often than not was the reason for it.

So Donna was surprised when Mike asked her if she knew what Harvey was so concerned about.

“The only thing we currently have is this ridiculous fraud suit that even Kyle could win with his eyes closed,” he commented. “And we hadn’t had a fight for weeks.”

“You could simply ask him,” Donna told him as she tipped a mail to one of Harvey´s clients. Mike snorted.

“Asking Harvey about his emotions?” he asked incredulously. “I´d have more luck with asking Louis for his recorder. Or with asking Katrina if she would adopt a sweet little kitten and name it after me.” Now it was Donna who had to hold back her laughter.

“I think of all those three things asking Harvey about his inner workings is your option with the best chance at success,” she said. “And it won´t be me who won´t have hot´n´steamy sex tonight because my man is irritated.” She smirked at Mike who glowered back at her. Donna looked back at the computer screen. She heard the soft click when the door to Harvey´s office was opened and closed. So Mike had decided to finally ask Harvey what was wrong.

After a few minutes Donna had finished and sent the mail. She turned around to tell Harvey that she was calling it a day, but as she looked through the glass walls of the office her jaw dropped.

Harvey was kneeling in front of Mike, one hand holding up a little box, as he looked upon the blonde with pure love and adoration. Mike meanwhile was holding back his tears. Without further ado Donna turned on the intercom.

“…the first time I remember hearing your name was when I lost Walden because of you,” Harvey spoke softly. “And I hated it. Oh, how angry I was. I wanted to meet you and scream at you for your insolence until my throat was raw. The next time you beat Louis in court and I was so pleased that I promised myself that I would invite you for a drink if we ever met. And then, when I finally met you, you nearly run me over with that stupid bike of yours. We already had a relationship even before we met.

I love you, Mike Ross. I love that you get every reference from Star Trek. I love that you´re the only one who can give me contra in and outside of court. I love the way you pour down your coffee in the morning, no matter how hot it is. I love the way you look when you’ve just won a pro bono, as if someone has given you the greatest gift on earth. I love how you smile, how you mock Louis, your compassion. I love everything there is about you. So, will you – Michael James Ross – marry me?”

“Y-y-yes,” Mike sobbed and crushed his lips against Harvey’s’. No, that wasn’t a tear that was running down her cheek, Donna thought furiously, just dust in her eyes. She was so deliriously happy for both Harvey and Mike; so happy that she could barely hold her back from storming into Harvey´s office and hugging both of her men until they were blue in their faces.

Donna had known that it was only a question of when one of those two would pop up the big question. After all she wasn’t blind: She saw how Harvey´s face lit up every time Mike entered his office and how Mike always put in so much extra effort when he did something for Harvey. She saw the looks, witnessed the stolen kisses and had been the shoulder to cry on for both of them when they had had a big fight.

“You can come in now, Donna,” Harvey said and Donna didn’t even pretend that she hadn’t heard him. Within seconds she had gapped the distance between herself and the two men and engulfed them into a fierce hug.

“I´m so happy for you two,” she said as a new wave of tears spilt forth. When the hug was disbanded she looked at Harvey and Mike who seemed to glow with happiness.

“I can´t believe you chose a ring without me,” Donna chided Harvey. “Let me see!” Mike handed over his ring. It was a simple silver band without any additional adornment. One the inside a few words were engraved: “To Infinity And Beyond.” Donna shook her head.

“It´s beautiful,” she whispered.

“Yes, it is,” Mike agreed and kissed Harvey again.

“I hope you didn’t already set a date for your wedding,” Donna said. “Because I will plan for you the best wedding Manhattan has seen in years.” Mike and Harvey smiled at her.

“We wouldn’t want it any other way,” Harvey said and Donna hugged him again. She was so happy. Her little family had just gotten a little bit closer.

**Author's Note:**

> So, originally I wanted to write a short and funny one-shot with Donna POV. But like the one with Jessica I´ve written before it became darker and darker as I continued writing. I don´t even know why, because usually I hate angst and drama. Maybe my brain is broken. 
> 
> Next I plan to write something with Mike POV because he was seriously neglected up until now.


End file.
